Getting your heart broken is one of the worst feelings in the world. Especially when you never saw it coming and you both still love each other. I am trying to understand how his mind works. How can you claim to love someone so much and always care for them but they don’t want to be with you because they think they only hurt me and make me angry? I don’t get it. If I loved someone so much, I would go out of my way to see that person and find ways to be with them, not just run away when things get too hard. This post is making no sense except in my own mind but it helps to write it out. I’m more angry at myself. He chased me for months, and I kept telling myself that I didn’t want a relationship and to get hurt again. I told myself this over and over again. He didn’t let up and he eventually made me fall completely head over heels in love with me. He promised he’d never hurt me, he’d always look after me. We had plans for the future together. We both had the same goals in life. We were so alike and so in love and you couldn’t seperate us. Then he entered a bad stage in his life. He lost his job, he hated everything in his life, and I stuck by him and tried to stay strong for me even when he was lashing out at me. Eventually he stopped caring, no affection, no love, no contact. It hurt me to do it , but I tried to break up with him twice and both times he didn’t let me. The third time I had to do it for my own peace of mind, he was starting to make me depressed and his mood was rubbing off on me and second guessing myself that maybe I wasn’t good enough. I had to leave. I still love him very much, but he is happy to let it go, saying he will always love me and he has never loved anyone as much as me in his life. But he doesn’t want to be with me because he thinks all he does is hurt me or make me upset. I don’t know if it is just an easy way out for him, and it’s fucked up that I would rather him have a real reason for leaving me and I wish he hated me so I can get over it. But the fact that I still love him more than anything, and he claims to love me as well , that I can’t get my head around. I can’t seem to move on because of these feelings we both still have. I just feel like SHIT.

Miss my old truck